4/15/07 03:38 pm -
so sometimes i read through stuff that i have written in the past, and i realize a couple things: i am exactly the same as i always have been. i guess that kind of makes sense. though it seems weird that i would stay the same despite all the things that happen around me, but its really true. i worry about the same things, i make the same stupid mistakes and i find the same joys that i always have. its kinda frustrating at times to look back and realize that i STILL haven't learned from my mistakes. and so, despite the changes around me, i stay the same.
i know that doesnt make sense, but in my bizzare alternate universe, its crystal clear.
i also realize that though i am the same, i continue to learn things. so here's my theory about life, for those who care to hear. i think we are created to continue. i think that there are things that remain the same about us, but we are always challenging them and questioning them. and because of this we grow. since we're not perfect, i dont think anyone can completely overcome his or her faults, but that doesn't stop us from trying. and we can never stop; we're always in progress. in progress, yet perfectly complete. that's definately god that makes me feel complete tho.... he's pretty much the only good thing about me. i dont always acknowledge it or appreciate it, but if anything is constant and true in life, its him.
12.29.2007
What would you do if you weren't afraid?
4/29/07 03:08 pm -
I would hug you and kiss you and tell you what you mean to me. I would be ridiculously silly. You would not laugh at my lame jokes because I no longer care what you think of them. I would tell all everyone I meet about my Savior and what he's done in my life, and I would know all the words to say. I would trust him without restraint, and worship him every moment of the day. I would be scolded and frowned upon for making light of the darkness and for standing when everyone else lies down. I would humbly remind you that I am not perfect, but that I will love you the best I can. I would not apologize for the bluntness of my artwork, and would paint until my hands cramp. I would no longer sit in front of the television just because you want me to, letting my precious brainwaves slip away. I would tell my parents everything about me I don't want them to know because I love them and want the best for them. I would break the ice with you much more smoothly, and make a fool out of myself and not care about the consequences, because if you really love me you won't care either.
I would hug you and kiss you and tell you what you mean to me. I would be ridiculously silly. You would not laugh at my lame jokes because I no longer care what you think of them. I would tell all everyone I meet about my Savior and what he's done in my life, and I would know all the words to say. I would trust him without restraint, and worship him every moment of the day. I would be scolded and frowned upon for making light of the darkness and for standing when everyone else lies down. I would humbly remind you that I am not perfect, but that I will love you the best I can. I would not apologize for the bluntness of my artwork, and would paint until my hands cramp. I would no longer sit in front of the television just because you want me to, letting my precious brainwaves slip away. I would tell my parents everything about me I don't want them to know because I love them and want the best for them. I would break the ice with you much more smoothly, and make a fool out of myself and not care about the consequences, because if you really love me you won't care either.
How I will change the world?
4/29/07 03:53 pm
I think art is an entity meant to be shared with and made by everyone in the world. I want to show people that they can use what they learn from art in all areas of life. Every child should learn how important art is, so he or she can remember to imagine as he/she grows. Since all art is just applied creativity, one only needs to get to know one's imagination. People get too caught up in making a piece of art look "good", or what they are taught to think is good. Yes, it is important to learn methods and processes but not at the expense of barring creative thought. I want to teach people about the personality of art. I want to visit Africa and teach children how to draw and make a painting of their beauty. I want to make art that puts my love for God up on display. My soul is emptied onto the canvas with every masterpiece, then immediately filled up again with the Spirit. When I show the world my artwork, I don't want them to think for one second that it is mine. I can't get cocky. My art is created by God and owned by everyone. I want to make a masterpiece the whole world can appreciate, and then do it over and over again.
I think art is an entity meant to be shared with and made by everyone in the world. I want to show people that they can use what they learn from art in all areas of life. Every child should learn how important art is, so he or she can remember to imagine as he/she grows. Since all art is just applied creativity, one only needs to get to know one's imagination. People get too caught up in making a piece of art look "good", or what they are taught to think is good. Yes, it is important to learn methods and processes but not at the expense of barring creative thought. I want to teach people about the personality of art. I want to visit Africa and teach children how to draw and make a painting of their beauty. I want to make art that puts my love for God up on display. My soul is emptied onto the canvas with every masterpiece, then immediately filled up again with the Spirit. When I show the world my artwork, I don't want them to think for one second that it is mine. I can't get cocky. My art is created by God and owned by everyone. I want to make a masterpiece the whole world can appreciate, and then do it over and over again.
Nostalgia
7/19/07 02:32 pm
looking at klamath falls on google maps, i have found the house i used to live in, and the elementary school i grew up in. the route i walked to school: up the gravel driveway (that i once face planted into off my bike), walk along the highway careful to stay away from the fast cars, under the graffiti'd overpass (i found a "secret" path that led me on the dirt instead of the asphalt road), then take a right turn and cut across the field to the school. i walked that way so many times. its weird that i havent thought about klamath falls in such a long time and yet it's still so etched in my mind. and i found the street both my best friends lived on and one of the streets on the way to the skating rink. so weird. its like i was on another planet in someone else's body. haha... i remember walking home from school one day with a couple acquaintences, one of them a 5th grader who taught me how to swear... like i would be cool if i did. man, i was kind of a dumb kid, haha. and my best friend bri got jealous right before i moved away of my other best friend adam... but i dont quite remember why. sometimes i wonder what they're up to now. did they go to college? i should look them up. not like id expect us to be instant best friends again or something, just out of curiosity. ah nostalgia. im not sure how i feel about it.
looking at klamath falls on google maps, i have found the house i used to live in, and the elementary school i grew up in. the route i walked to school: up the gravel driveway (that i once face planted into off my bike), walk along the highway careful to stay away from the fast cars, under the graffiti'd overpass (i found a "secret" path that led me on the dirt instead of the asphalt road), then take a right turn and cut across the field to the school. i walked that way so many times. its weird that i havent thought about klamath falls in such a long time and yet it's still so etched in my mind. and i found the street both my best friends lived on and one of the streets on the way to the skating rink. so weird. its like i was on another planet in someone else's body. haha... i remember walking home from school one day with a couple acquaintences, one of them a 5th grader who taught me how to swear... like i would be cool if i did. man, i was kind of a dumb kid, haha. and my best friend bri got jealous right before i moved away of my other best friend adam... but i dont quite remember why. sometimes i wonder what they're up to now. did they go to college? i should look them up. not like id expect us to be instant best friends again or something, just out of curiosity. ah nostalgia. im not sure how i feel about it.
10/29/07 12:31 am
When I see people who are acting like they have it all together it upsets me a little. But then I have to step back and realize that I do the very same thing every day. I guess everyone does. The problem is sometimes I feel like such a complete mess, I feel like it must show through my not-so-clever disguise. But I think we have to do that. We have to try and fool ourselves every day. If something is bothering me, but I'm in a public place and therefore forced to interact somewhat normally with those around me, I have to pretend like nothing's bothering me. Those who break that norm are just assumed to be jerks who have no consideration for others. You know them, they're the patrons who piss me off at the library, the guy who cuts you off on the freeway, the bitchy waiter... etc. Sometimes its just general bitchyness, but I think most of these people are just acting like they're feeling. It's not fair, but there you go. I feel like a wreck sometimes... and then I feel pathetic for thinking that what I'm worrying about is making me a wreck... and then I try to stop worrying and then nothing gets done about it. What a peculiar world we live in. I think of all these things I want to talk to him about and then when I start to tell him, it sounds like the most ridiculous thing I've ever uttered, or I forget. I forget all those eloquent phrases my brain pieced together; all those perfect scenarios that always play out so much better in my head. Because if I told him everything I would have liked to tell him, he probably wouldn't want to see me anymore. But I guess I don't know that for sure.
From LJ
12/19/07 12:38 pm - ::disconnected::
I don't have an identity. I'm lost in a crowd of black clothed zombies with too much make up and fake smiles. They don't notice me. I'm invisible. I stand out because I'm trying to hard to be them. My makeup looks plastic and my clothes don't match. They don't notice me.
Falling and falling, over and over again. Nobody catches you; it's endless. High heels and long nails. What defines? Why ask these questions? There aren't any answers. Chin up. Stay focused. Remember those "goals"? What do you make of them now? You're still just falling; you can't be taken seriously, not the way you're going about it. I trace perfect lips in my mind, and draw them over and over again on sheets of notebook paper that should contain the things I learn. They make me keep falling. Suspended in ecstasy; it'll hang me eventually.
Trying too hard to fit in a mold. Unfinished, unclean, unworthy. "Describe yourself in 5 words or less: " Done. I can't be confined to a survey, to these words - simple signs that mean nothing to the signified. "Ce n'est pas une pipe" - more like "ce n'est pas une personne". You were right, Magritte. Don't connect what should be apart.
Bodies moving to the rhythm of an unheard beat. I know I'm here in this room at this computer, listening to meaningless sounds and observing pieces of life that don't matter. Every conversation, every syllable spoken is important. Nobody knows it was all meant to be. You wouldn't care anyways. I never thought I would move to that same rhythm. I was wrong. My incompetence roars in my face, stares me down, makes me cower behind this unrighteous slab of reality. I want to make sense of it. What I dream of and what is true. How do you know?
Laughter and television, music around my neck. Smooth strokes violently dig into the canvas. This is my sanctuary, my haven, my home. I have no place in geography; my only knowledge is of this, is what I've been given. Family and heartbeats, the melody of languages I don't speak, living beings around me. I am apart from them among them, as it should be. Always apart. Always a smile and a story, though I don't know how to speak.
Tears don't matter, arguements, ideas, excuses. Always something. Why do you care? Why fight a losing battle? Make it worth it, be worth it. Make a masterpiece out of life. Can't make a masterpiece out of paint unless you do that first.
Current Location: The Library
Current Mood: pensive
I don't have an identity. I'm lost in a crowd of black clothed zombies with too much make up and fake smiles. They don't notice me. I'm invisible. I stand out because I'm trying to hard to be them. My makeup looks plastic and my clothes don't match. They don't notice me.
Falling and falling, over and over again. Nobody catches you; it's endless. High heels and long nails. What defines? Why ask these questions? There aren't any answers. Chin up. Stay focused. Remember those "goals"? What do you make of them now? You're still just falling; you can't be taken seriously, not the way you're going about it. I trace perfect lips in my mind, and draw them over and over again on sheets of notebook paper that should contain the things I learn. They make me keep falling. Suspended in ecstasy; it'll hang me eventually.
Trying too hard to fit in a mold. Unfinished, unclean, unworthy. "Describe yourself in 5 words or less: " Done. I can't be confined to a survey, to these words - simple signs that mean nothing to the signified. "Ce n'est pas une pipe" - more like "ce n'est pas une personne". You were right, Magritte. Don't connect what should be apart.
Bodies moving to the rhythm of an unheard beat. I know I'm here in this room at this computer, listening to meaningless sounds and observing pieces of life that don't matter. Every conversation, every syllable spoken is important. Nobody knows it was all meant to be. You wouldn't care anyways. I never thought I would move to that same rhythm. I was wrong. My incompetence roars in my face, stares me down, makes me cower behind this unrighteous slab of reality. I want to make sense of it. What I dream of and what is true. How do you know?
Laughter and television, music around my neck. Smooth strokes violently dig into the canvas. This is my sanctuary, my haven, my home. I have no place in geography; my only knowledge is of this, is what I've been given. Family and heartbeats, the melody of languages I don't speak, living beings around me. I am apart from them among them, as it should be. Always apart. Always a smile and a story, though I don't know how to speak.
Tears don't matter, arguements, ideas, excuses. Always something. Why do you care? Why fight a losing battle? Make it worth it, be worth it. Make a masterpiece out of life. Can't make a masterpiece out of paint unless you do that first.
Current Location: The Library
Current Mood: pensive
12.02.2007
Cosa lengua?
Voglio parlare di lui, ma non ho nessuno. Ma no. Ho deciso. Non posso farlo.
Yo tengo ganas ir a la Mexico con él. Peró yo no puedo hacer que tampoco. No puedo ser una esposa buena; no cocino, no ayudo él... Él mercere mejor. Yo no puedo serlo. Hoy a la mañana, yo do un paseo y hablo con me. Con me! No con él...
Non me ne importa. Continuerò vederlo e non so cosa capitarà. Non me ne importa. Voglio si bene... non amo si adesso. Forsè un certo giorno. Ma amore è glieho paura.
It doesn't matter what language I say it in, it still doesn't make sense. I'm still crazy about him. I freak out for no reason. But in a quiet way... x|
Yo tengo ganas ir a la Mexico con él. Peró yo no puedo hacer que tampoco. No puedo ser una esposa buena; no cocino, no ayudo él... Él mercere mejor. Yo no puedo serlo. Hoy a la mañana, yo do un paseo y hablo con me. Con me! No con él...
Non me ne importa. Continuerò vederlo e non so cosa capitarà. Non me ne importa. Voglio si bene... non amo si adesso. Forsè un certo giorno. Ma amore è glieho paura.
It doesn't matter what language I say it in, it still doesn't make sense. I'm still crazy about him. I freak out for no reason. But in a quiet way... x|
11.05.2007
Ho scritto.
Perchè non posso dire lui?! Perchè!! Ho molti cose devo dire... ma non so come... è confusiato. Non so perchè io sono pazo. Ma tutto voglio fare è faccio fotografi di lui! Scrivo in italiano perchè voglio nascondere il mio pensieri. Sono infatuato solamente. Haha. Oh what a dork I am... I wonder come dire a italiano... :P
10.28.2007
*Sigh*
I hate that that time is over, and yet I see the advantages. I really love those people so much, but it's taken more out of me than it should have, I see now. It was really exhausting to love them. I guess it's not anymore because I'm not confronted with their problems daily. But I don't regret it! I always wanted to know. I wanted to know everything. I figured I had to know just in case I could help. But then I was usually not helpful... I just cared so much about all of them that when they made mistakes I wanted to fix it. I couldn't stand to see anyone of them hurting. It really tore me up inside. It sounds so stupid, but its true. Right now I only see a couple. And I'm so busy now, its almost that I push it to the back of my mind so that I can stay focused. I'll never stop loving them all... it's almost like a curse. But not that I'd want to stop...
I feel like I'm one of those people who gives herself away without question, but very silently so that nobody knows. Sometimes I break and let them know. Maybe its better when I do?... But then... I think it would be better if I didn't care so much. Then maybe I'd save some of myself for God, or for me. I don't know.
Right now, life is good. I'm too busy to worry too much. But I still miss everyone from the house. It really was fun, and we had some great times. I felt the same way when Leslie left Willows, and then left California. We had a good time, and now it's over. I miss it, but realize the necessity of it ending.
Nostalgia's a bitch.
I feel like I'm one of those people who gives herself away without question, but very silently so that nobody knows. Sometimes I break and let them know. Maybe its better when I do?... But then... I think it would be better if I didn't care so much. Then maybe I'd save some of myself for God, or for me. I don't know.
Right now, life is good. I'm too busy to worry too much. But I still miss everyone from the house. It really was fun, and we had some great times. I felt the same way when Leslie left Willows, and then left California. We had a good time, and now it's over. I miss it, but realize the necessity of it ending.
Nostalgia's a bitch.
10.22.2007
More boredom
1. Who was the last person to call you baby? Uhm, I dont remember.
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Of course!
3. If you got the chance to kiss the last person you kissed, would you? Of course.
4. Has someone ever sang a song to you? Not a whole one, I don't think...
5. Do you play suduko? I've played it like, once or twice. Too much math for me XP
6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness would you survive? Sure O.o
18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first things you would grab? I'd try to find the roommates and make sure they're out. Other than that probably nothing.
19. Who was the last person you shared a bed with? Um..... Stacy? yeah, haha.
20. Who do you text the most? Cindy or Sean, surely. But I don't text much.
21. Who do you like? I like most people.
22. What color are your eyes? Brown.
23. How tall are you? 5'10"
25. Do you like your parents? I do (usually).
26. Do you secretly like someone? Not secretly.
27. Why did your last relationship end? Because we didn't really know each other. *stupid*
28. Who likes you? Some people... Uriel for sure, haha.
29. Where is the furthest place you have traveled? La Manzanilla, Mexico or Massachusets... not sure which is farther.
32. Do you like mustard? no >.<
33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? Sleep :D
34. Do you look like your mom or dad? A little of both.
35. 45 minutes or longer? O.o
36. Can you do a split? Uhm, no.
37. What movie do you want to see right now? Right now, none.
40. Do you think The Grudge was crappy? I couldn't tell ya.
43. Was your mom a cheerleader? Nope.
45. What's the last letter of your middle name? Y.
47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? between 5 and 8.
48. Do you like care bears? ...Sure.
49. What do you buy at the Movies? A ticket to get in, haha. And sometimes popcorn.
50. Do you know how to play poker? I know how, but don't really enjoy it.
51. Do you wear your seatbelt? Of course.
52. What do you wear to sleep? Usually whatever shirt I'm wearing and pajama pants.
53. Anything big ever happen in your town? I don't really have a "town", per sè...
54. is your hair straight or curly? Curly right now :D
55. Is your tongue pierced? Nope, lip is enough for me.
56. Do you like Liver and Onions? I'm not sure... sounds kinda gross though.
58. Do you like funny or serious people better? I'd rather have a mature funny person.
59. Ever been to L.A? Yes.
60. Who is on your mind right now ? Uhm, Uriel I guess. And Erica.
61. Any plans for tonight? Class and sleep. -_-
62. What's your favorite song at the moment? I'm not sure... I woke up with "Hey Jude", "Ammunition" (Switchfoot) and a Plain White T's song all stuck in my head, haha. There's too many songs in the world to pick just one :)
63. Do you hate chocolate? ...*shocked at blasphemy*
64. What do you and your parents fight about the most? They don't like the piercings and tattoos.
66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? Nope.
67. What do people usually mistake you for? A giraffe.
68. Are you easy to get along with? I think so.
69. What is your favorite time of day? The evening.
70. Are you a generally happy person? Yes.
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Of course!
3. If you got the chance to kiss the last person you kissed, would you? Of course.
4. Has someone ever sang a song to you? Not a whole one, I don't think...
5. Do you play suduko? I've played it like, once or twice. Too much math for me XP
6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness would you survive? Sure O.o
18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first things you would grab? I'd try to find the roommates and make sure they're out. Other than that probably nothing.
19. Who was the last person you shared a bed with? Um..... Stacy? yeah, haha.
20. Who do you text the most? Cindy or Sean, surely. But I don't text much.
21. Who do you like? I like most people.
22. What color are your eyes? Brown.
23. How tall are you? 5'10"
25. Do you like your parents? I do (usually).
26. Do you secretly like someone? Not secretly.
27. Why did your last relationship end? Because we didn't really know each other. *stupid*
28. Who likes you? Some people... Uriel for sure, haha.
29. Where is the furthest place you have traveled? La Manzanilla, Mexico or Massachusets... not sure which is farther.
32. Do you like mustard? no >.<
33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? Sleep :D
34. Do you look like your mom or dad? A little of both.
35. 45 minutes or longer? O.o
36. Can you do a split? Uhm, no.
37. What movie do you want to see right now? Right now, none.
40. Do you think The Grudge was crappy? I couldn't tell ya.
43. Was your mom a cheerleader? Nope.
45. What's the last letter of your middle name? Y.
47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? between 5 and 8.
48. Do you like care bears? ...Sure.
49. What do you buy at the Movies? A ticket to get in, haha. And sometimes popcorn.
50. Do you know how to play poker? I know how, but don't really enjoy it.
51. Do you wear your seatbelt? Of course.
52. What do you wear to sleep? Usually whatever shirt I'm wearing and pajama pants.
53. Anything big ever happen in your town? I don't really have a "town", per sè...
54. is your hair straight or curly? Curly right now :D
55. Is your tongue pierced? Nope, lip is enough for me.
56. Do you like Liver and Onions? I'm not sure... sounds kinda gross though.
58. Do you like funny or serious people better? I'd rather have a mature funny person.
59. Ever been to L.A? Yes.
60. Who is on your mind right now ? Uhm, Uriel I guess. And Erica.
61. Any plans for tonight? Class and sleep. -_-
62. What's your favorite song at the moment? I'm not sure... I woke up with "Hey Jude", "Ammunition" (Switchfoot) and a Plain White T's song all stuck in my head, haha. There's too many songs in the world to pick just one :)
63. Do you hate chocolate? ...*shocked at blasphemy*
64. What do you and your parents fight about the most? They don't like the piercings and tattoos.
66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? Nope.
67. What do people usually mistake you for? A giraffe.
68. Are you easy to get along with? I think so.
69. What is your favorite time of day? The evening.
70. Are you a generally happy person? Yes.
10.14.2007
Unusual?
Tired of those same old 55 questions about me surveys? Well here are 55 I guarantee you've never answered.
1. Is your second toe longer than your first? They're the same, actually.
2. Do you have a favorite type of pen? Yep. :D I'm a pen nerd.
3. Look at your planner for October 14, what are you doing? Hey, that's today! Church and work for me.
4.What color are your toenails usually? They usually have some remenant of whatever color I painted them a month ago. Right now happens to be dark purple.
5. What was the last thing you highlighted? Heather's answer :P
6. What color are the curtains in your bedroom? No curtains, haha.
7. What color are the seats in your car? Grey.
8. Have you ever had a black and white cat? Uhm... I don't believe so. I had a black and white dog... (poor Reba ;_;)
9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on? The envelope mailing the check for my photo book.
10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming? I do.
11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time? I don't remember, actually.
12. Whose is the last baby that you held? Uhm, I'm not sure. Its been so long :(
13.Can you spell well? Sure.... O.o
14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste? Not really. It just doesn't seem right to be cleaning my teeth with.
15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago? 2 years ago, hm... I had the Killer Rabbit then! I had just gotten it. '98 Ford Escort.
16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators? Gators?
17. Last time you went to Six Flags? I've never been.
18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house? Nope, thank God.
19. Closest thing to you that is yellow: A library pamphlet.
20. Last person to give you a business card? Probably Joe or Samantha.
21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to? Erica, I think.
22. Do you know what happened to #22? One of those Florida gators ate it.
23. Last time you had someone cook for you? At mom's last month.
25. How many emails do you get in your inbox (excluding spam)? Not many.
26. Last time you received flowers? Never. :(
27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman? Christian biblical marriage, yes. But there are other types of marriages.
28. Do you play the guitar? I tried once. I hope I can again.
29. Has anyone ever proposed to you? Nope.
30. Do you take anything in your coffee? Creamer usually, but I could go without.
31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines? I think so?
32. What is/was your high school's rival mascot? Well, one was the Trojans, and as Heather's answer has informed me, the other was the Arrows. O.o
33. Last person you spoke to from high school? Kristen. But she's from so much more than high school :P
34. Last time you used hand sanitizer? Last Sunday maybe?
35. Would you like to learn to play the drums? Yes. But I don't think I'd do very well.
36. What color are the blinds in your living room? White. (But they look gray b/c of the dust :P)
37. The last thing you procrastinated on? The Project. :(
38. Last thing you read in the newspaper? Comics, hehe.
39. What was the last pageant you attended? Uhm... none.
40. What is the last place you bought pizza from? Dominos. Wasn't that good.
41. Have you ever worn a crown? Only the birthday/Burger King kind.
42. What is the last thing you stapled? My head to the carpet!!!!! Oh noes!!! (j/k)
43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi? No.
44. Are you ticklish? Yes. It's like a weakness.
45. Last time you saw fireworks? The fourth of July 2006. No fireworks this year :(
46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut? Over the summer sometime.
47. Who is the last person that left you a text message & you actually returned it? My mama.
48. Last time you parked under a carport? I'm not sure.
49. Do you have a black dog? Nope.
50.Can you give one reason why David Carouso is allowed to keep acting? Not a one. I'm really sick of that guy. Good think I don't watch CSI Miami anymore, I might have shot myself by now.
51. Are you an aunt or uncle? Nope. That won't be happening for awhile!
52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of? Cindy's are real pretty, but so are my mom's. And Uriel's. And Isabelle's. Its hard to say, haha.
53. Last time you saw a semi truck? Today probably. I wasn't really paying attention, haha.
54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe? .... no.
55. Do you have a little black dress? No, but I do have a black corset :D
1. Is your second toe longer than your first? They're the same, actually.
2. Do you have a favorite type of pen? Yep. :D I'm a pen nerd.
3. Look at your planner for October 14, what are you doing? Hey, that's today! Church and work for me.
4.What color are your toenails usually? They usually have some remenant of whatever color I painted them a month ago. Right now happens to be dark purple.
5. What was the last thing you highlighted? Heather's answer :P
6. What color are the curtains in your bedroom? No curtains, haha.
7. What color are the seats in your car? Grey.
8. Have you ever had a black and white cat? Uhm... I don't believe so. I had a black and white dog... (poor Reba ;_;)
9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on? The envelope mailing the check for my photo book.
10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming? I do.
11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time? I don't remember, actually.
12. Whose is the last baby that you held? Uhm, I'm not sure. Its been so long :(
13.Can you spell well? Sure.... O.o
14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste? Not really. It just doesn't seem right to be cleaning my teeth with.
15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago? 2 years ago, hm... I had the Killer Rabbit then! I had just gotten it. '98 Ford Escort.
16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators? Gators?
17. Last time you went to Six Flags? I've never been.
18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house? Nope, thank God.
19. Closest thing to you that is yellow: A library pamphlet.
20. Last person to give you a business card? Probably Joe or Samantha.
21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to? Erica, I think.
22. Do you know what happened to #22? One of those Florida gators ate it.
23. Last time you had someone cook for you? At mom's last month.
25. How many emails do you get in your inbox (excluding spam)? Not many.
26. Last time you received flowers? Never. :(
27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman? Christian biblical marriage, yes. But there are other types of marriages.
28. Do you play the guitar? I tried once. I hope I can again.
29. Has anyone ever proposed to you? Nope.
30. Do you take anything in your coffee? Creamer usually, but I could go without.
31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines? I think so?
32. What is/was your high school's rival mascot? Well, one was the Trojans, and as Heather's answer has informed me, the other was the Arrows. O.o
33. Last person you spoke to from high school? Kristen. But she's from so much more than high school :P
34. Last time you used hand sanitizer? Last Sunday maybe?
35. Would you like to learn to play the drums? Yes. But I don't think I'd do very well.
36. What color are the blinds in your living room? White. (But they look gray b/c of the dust :P)
37. The last thing you procrastinated on? The Project. :(
38. Last thing you read in the newspaper? Comics, hehe.
39. What was the last pageant you attended? Uhm... none.
40. What is the last place you bought pizza from? Dominos. Wasn't that good.
41. Have you ever worn a crown? Only the birthday/Burger King kind.
42. What is the last thing you stapled? My head to the carpet!!!!! Oh noes!!! (j/k)
43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi? No.
44. Are you ticklish? Yes. It's like a weakness.
45. Last time you saw fireworks? The fourth of July 2006. No fireworks this year :(
46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut? Over the summer sometime.
47. Who is the last person that left you a text message & you actually returned it? My mama.
48. Last time you parked under a carport? I'm not sure.
49. Do you have a black dog? Nope.
50.Can you give one reason why David Carouso is allowed to keep acting? Not a one. I'm really sick of that guy. Good think I don't watch CSI Miami anymore, I might have shot myself by now.
51. Are you an aunt or uncle? Nope. That won't be happening for awhile!
52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of? Cindy's are real pretty, but so are my mom's. And Uriel's. And Isabelle's. Its hard to say, haha.
53. Last time you saw a semi truck? Today probably. I wasn't really paying attention, haha.
54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe? .... no.
55. Do you have a little black dress? No, but I do have a black corset :D
10.07.2007
You must answer every question TRUTHFULLY!!!
[01] Do you ever wonder what your ex's are up to? Well, I could just ask him. The only one who really matters I talk to anyways...
[02] Have you ever been given roses? Not yet ;_;
[03] What is your all-time favorite romance movie? Probably Ever After and Runaway Bride. *hides face in shame*
[04] Have you honestly been in love? Yep.
[05] Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate? I think so... but that's another one of those things that God choses not to tell us for sure I think.
[06] What's your current problem? I don't think it's really a problem yet.
[07] Have you ever had your heart broken? It sure felt like it.
[08] Had a Long Distance Relationship? Yes. Not fun.
[10] Do you believe the statement, once a cheater always a cheater? You don't have to get back together with them to forgive them.
[11] How many kids do you want to have? Enough.
[12] What is(are) your favorite color(s)? Uhm, I like them all. Painting will do that to you ;)
[14] Do you believe you truly only love once? No, I think you can truly love again, but the previous love(s) have to be put behind you.
[15] Imagine you're 79 and your spouse just died, would you get re-married? Probably would just stay at home and paint all day, spending time with God not with another man.
[16] At what age did you start noticing the opposite sex? When I was 10. Right before I left Klamath Falls I liked this boy called C. J., haha.
[17] What song do you want to hear at your wedding? I Have You by Glenn Cambell, maybe not at the wedding, but as the first dance or something.
[18] Do you know someone who likes you? Yes! :D
[19] Do you like someone? Yes. Its very nice.
[01] Do you ever wonder what your ex's are up to? Well, I could just ask him. The only one who really matters I talk to anyways...
[02] Have you ever been given roses? Not yet ;_;
[03] What is your all-time favorite romance movie? Probably Ever After and Runaway Bride. *hides face in shame*
[04] Have you honestly been in love? Yep.
[05] Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate? I think so... but that's another one of those things that God choses not to tell us for sure I think.
[06] What's your current problem? I don't think it's really a problem yet.
[07] Have you ever had your heart broken? It sure felt like it.
[08] Had a Long Distance Relationship? Yes. Not fun.
[10] Do you believe the statement, once a cheater always a cheater? You don't have to get back together with them to forgive them.
[11] How many kids do you want to have? Enough.
[12] What is(are) your favorite color(s)? Uhm, I like them all. Painting will do that to you ;)
[14] Do you believe you truly only love once? No, I think you can truly love again, but the previous love(s) have to be put behind you.
[15] Imagine you're 79 and your spouse just died, would you get re-married? Probably would just stay at home and paint all day, spending time with God not with another man.
[16] At what age did you start noticing the opposite sex? When I was 10. Right before I left Klamath Falls I liked this boy called C. J., haha.
[17] What song do you want to hear at your wedding? I Have You by Glenn Cambell, maybe not at the wedding, but as the first dance or something.
[18] Do you know someone who likes you? Yes! :D
[19] Do you like someone? Yes. Its very nice.
Fallimento d'italiano
Sono stanco. Il mio affaticamento è non perche il mio programma, ma perche la mia mente ha me ingannato. Amo la vità. Il mio italiano c'è patetico. :(
Yeah, I had to look up every other word... I suck. I pretty much know how to work the grammar, I just need to learn more vocabulary and remember it, and practice speaking. -_- I love learning to speak other languages, I'm just not as good at it as I'd like to be. Maybe when/if I go to Italy it will be easier because I'll be surrounded in it. Spero sarà facile...
Yeah, I had to look up every other word... I suck. I pretty much know how to work the grammar, I just need to learn more vocabulary and remember it, and practice speaking. -_- I love learning to speak other languages, I'm just not as good at it as I'd like to be. Maybe when/if I go to Italy it will be easier because I'll be surrounded in it. Spero sarà facile...
8.16.2007
Things that make you feel good
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla or strawberry!)
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke.
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice
about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours
left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you home-made cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla or strawberry!)
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke.
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice
about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours
left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you home-made cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
8.15.2007
What I think about sometimes
58 girl confessions
1. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? yes.
2. A big poofy dress or a short party dress? I'm not much for short stuff... but there are few occasions when I would get to wear a big poofy dress :( It depends, I suppose.
3. What would you do if you received a long love letter? I'd probably be grinning stupidly while reading it.
4. Group dates or single dates? I've never really dated, but I would enjoy both, I think.
5. Do you hate it when guys act different around their friends? I hate it when guys act one way around me, and completely different to everyone else. Or when they treat me different when in the company of others. *annoying* Why can't you just be yourself, no matter what that is?
6. Are diamonds a girl's best friend? Not mine. Nice, but unnecessary.
7. Is your hair up or down today? French braids!
8. Do you straighten your hair? Sometimes, but usually I'm just lazy.
9. Favorite mascara? Eh, my Avon stuff works fine. I don't use it enough to care.
10. Do you get your nails done? Sometimes when they grown out :D
11. Small or large purses? My purse isn't too big, but I am constantly amazed at the amount of stuff I can shove in there :P
12. In your purse, what are your must haves? Pain killers, wallet, keys, phone (if it's not in my pocket), lip stuff (carmex usually) and mints.
13. Jeans or skirts? Mostly jeans.
14. Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that's uncomfortable? Hell no. On very rare occasion, but even when I dress up I want to be comfortable.
15. Do you text message a lot? Not really.
16. What would you do if you got pregnant? I'd be very confused, haha.
17. Whats your favorite color? The color of the sky about a half hour after sunset. That shifty gray that's almost every color at once... it's beautiful.
18. Heels or flats? Flats. I don't need to be any taller.
19. What's your favorite song? Ooh, so many. But right now it's "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's.
20. Would you ever leave the house without make-up on? Just about every day of my life!
21. Walmart or Target? Eh, I figure they're both corporate giants that use outsourcing and don't treat their employees very well, but I unfortunately still shop at both (minimally, if possible). Target more so, though.
22. Do you wear shirts with colors? yep.
23. Do you like preppy boys? Not really my type. But I could still get along with some as friends.
24. Do you think lip gloss is the best? Carmex, all the way. Or Burt's Bees. However, my Victoria's Secret lip gloss is pretty awesome.
25. Do you own any big sunglasses? Haha, yes. Never thought I would, but they're so ridiculous, they're wonderful!
26. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? About an hour, if I'm slow and eat breakfast. About 20 minutes if I'm rushed. *But* I have been known to get ready in 5. :P
27. Do you like to wear bandaids? Not really...
28. Do you like skater boys? Some, I'm sure... I try not to generalize.
29. Do you often wish there was something you could change? About... the world? My life? My body? Yes.
30. Gold or silver? Silver. Not too fond of gold.
31. Do you like to receive flowers? Never have, but I would love it, yes.
32. Do you like surfer boys? Haha, are we going through all the stereotypical boys? Silly surfer boys, haven't seen many.
33. Do you dress up for the holidays? Not so much.
34. Do you like to wear dresses? Yeah, never have a reason to though.
35. On a scale of 1-10 how much do guys confuse you? I'd say about a 5.
36. In the last 48 hours have you hung out with a guy? ..... Yes! I think... Sean was at our place Monday night...
37. Would you date a guy shorter than you? Oh, how funny. Yes I would... but I'd prefer not to.
38 Do you like to hold hands? Of course.
39. What is the youngest age in a guy you would date? No high school boys. I'd almost say no college boys either, but that just doesn't seem fair :P
40. What is the oldest you would date? In the 30's, I guess, if he was really right for me.
41. whats the first thing you notice about a guy? His face. Always a favorite.
42. Is it hot when guys sweat? Eh... *hot* physically, duh! But hot? Not really.
43. What is the best personality feature in a boy? Sense of humor. Ability to let stuff go. Supportive.
44. Do you like making eye contact? Sure... It doesn't bother me.
46. Would you kill for chocolate? But why? There's plenty of chocolate in the world!!
47. Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy? Not yet.
48. On a scale from 1-10 how fun is shopping? About a 2 when it takes too long, nothing fits, I have limited monies and/or lines are super long. But if not, then 10!
49. Do you freak out if you miss your favorite shows?I don't care enough to freak out about most things.
50. Do you yell a lot? At myself, maybe. But never at other people.
51. Do you wear sweatpants/pajamas to school/work? Ah, no. Just seems out of place.
52. Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy? Not really. I've always held the stance that if he doesn't like what he sees when I'm being me, then there's no use trying to convince him to like what I'm not.
53. Do you write a lot of mushy love poems? I have in the past, but no more. Emo teenager days are over, my friends!
54.One make up item you cant live without? Um, none.
55. Do you fall in love easily? Depends on who it is. If he's the one for you, it'll be easy to fall for him. If not, it's hard. Pretty simple, really.
56. Do you have cramps? Only once a month. >.<
57. Do you think you have the best friends ever? Oh yes, I love them.
58. Do you consider yourself pretty? I don't really care either way. But I hope I am.
1. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? yes.
2. A big poofy dress or a short party dress? I'm not much for short stuff... but there are few occasions when I would get to wear a big poofy dress :( It depends, I suppose.
3. What would you do if you received a long love letter? I'd probably be grinning stupidly while reading it.
4. Group dates or single dates? I've never really dated, but I would enjoy both, I think.
5. Do you hate it when guys act different around their friends? I hate it when guys act one way around me, and completely different to everyone else. Or when they treat me different when in the company of others. *annoying* Why can't you just be yourself, no matter what that is?
6. Are diamonds a girl's best friend? Not mine. Nice, but unnecessary.
7. Is your hair up or down today? French braids!
8. Do you straighten your hair? Sometimes, but usually I'm just lazy.
9. Favorite mascara? Eh, my Avon stuff works fine. I don't use it enough to care.
10. Do you get your nails done? Sometimes when they grown out :D
11. Small or large purses? My purse isn't too big, but I am constantly amazed at the amount of stuff I can shove in there :P
12. In your purse, what are your must haves? Pain killers, wallet, keys, phone (if it's not in my pocket), lip stuff (carmex usually) and mints.
13. Jeans or skirts? Mostly jeans.
14. Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that's uncomfortable? Hell no. On very rare occasion, but even when I dress up I want to be comfortable.
15. Do you text message a lot? Not really.
16. What would you do if you got pregnant? I'd be very confused, haha.
17. Whats your favorite color? The color of the sky about a half hour after sunset. That shifty gray that's almost every color at once... it's beautiful.
18. Heels or flats? Flats. I don't need to be any taller.
19. What's your favorite song? Ooh, so many. But right now it's "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's.
20. Would you ever leave the house without make-up on? Just about every day of my life!
21. Walmart or Target? Eh, I figure they're both corporate giants that use outsourcing and don't treat their employees very well, but I unfortunately still shop at both (minimally, if possible). Target more so, though.
22. Do you wear shirts with colors? yep.
23. Do you like preppy boys? Not really my type. But I could still get along with some as friends.
24. Do you think lip gloss is the best? Carmex, all the way. Or Burt's Bees. However, my Victoria's Secret lip gloss is pretty awesome.
25. Do you own any big sunglasses? Haha, yes. Never thought I would, but they're so ridiculous, they're wonderful!
26. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? About an hour, if I'm slow and eat breakfast. About 20 minutes if I'm rushed. *But* I have been known to get ready in 5. :P
27. Do you like to wear bandaids? Not really...
28. Do you like skater boys? Some, I'm sure... I try not to generalize.
29. Do you often wish there was something you could change? About... the world? My life? My body? Yes.
30. Gold or silver? Silver. Not too fond of gold.
31. Do you like to receive flowers? Never have, but I would love it, yes.
32. Do you like surfer boys? Haha, are we going through all the stereotypical boys? Silly surfer boys, haven't seen many.
33. Do you dress up for the holidays? Not so much.
34. Do you like to wear dresses? Yeah, never have a reason to though.
35. On a scale of 1-10 how much do guys confuse you? I'd say about a 5.
36. In the last 48 hours have you hung out with a guy? ..... Yes! I think... Sean was at our place Monday night...
37. Would you date a guy shorter than you? Oh, how funny. Yes I would... but I'd prefer not to.
38 Do you like to hold hands? Of course.
39. What is the youngest age in a guy you would date? No high school boys. I'd almost say no college boys either, but that just doesn't seem fair :P
40. What is the oldest you would date? In the 30's, I guess, if he was really right for me.
41. whats the first thing you notice about a guy? His face. Always a favorite.
42. Is it hot when guys sweat? Eh... *hot* physically, duh! But hot? Not really.
43. What is the best personality feature in a boy? Sense of humor. Ability to let stuff go. Supportive.
44. Do you like making eye contact? Sure... It doesn't bother me.
46. Would you kill for chocolate? But why? There's plenty of chocolate in the world!!
47. Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy? Not yet.
48. On a scale from 1-10 how fun is shopping? About a 2 when it takes too long, nothing fits, I have limited monies and/or lines are super long. But if not, then 10!
49. Do you freak out if you miss your favorite shows?I don't care enough to freak out about most things.
50. Do you yell a lot? At myself, maybe. But never at other people.
51. Do you wear sweatpants/pajamas to school/work? Ah, no. Just seems out of place.
52. Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy? Not really. I've always held the stance that if he doesn't like what he sees when I'm being me, then there's no use trying to convince him to like what I'm not.
53. Do you write a lot of mushy love poems? I have in the past, but no more. Emo teenager days are over, my friends!
54.One make up item you cant live without? Um, none.
55. Do you fall in love easily? Depends on who it is. If he's the one for you, it'll be easy to fall for him. If not, it's hard. Pretty simple, really.
56. Do you have cramps? Only once a month. >.<
57. Do you think you have the best friends ever? Oh yes, I love them.
58. Do you consider yourself pretty? I don't really care either way. But I hope I am.
8.08.2007
what am i doing
i keep feeling like something needs to change. this feeling inside me... its like something big is happening but i dont know what it is. ive been going through the days numb, like i need to be brought to life, like i need a breath of fresh air. why does this happen? i dont need to feel suffocated, but its so tempting to just give in to what feels good, and it feels good to be lazy. thats not just it though. i know ive never really been challenged for what i believe, never been questioned about believing in christ, but maybe it needs to happen. it really scares me, but i feel like if i cant stand up for my lord, then i cant do anything, and i need to believe i can do something. i need to believe that i can accomplish what im trying to do, i need to believe that i can be brave. i cant sleepwalk through life. i miss so much, theres so much out there to see but im only one person. i cant do everything right away. i know god leads me, he sends me reminders. i dont want to ignore them. but thats what im doing. by continuing like this im not growing, im not learning about him and the only place i will find satisfaction and fulfillment is through doing that! i know, because when i do it, i feel it. things happen when i trust. but i cant trust the wrong things. there are so many false prophets that ive followed, so many graven images ive worshipped instead of my lord. and its wrong, i know its wrong. "instant gratification". if i buy that it will make me feel happy now. if i eat stuff i know is bad for me ill feel satisfied now. thats what ive been after. i know myself so much better than i ever have before, and god shows me bit by bit. yesterday i realized that i like to flaunt my attraction. if im pursuing a guy (which i shouldnt do anyways), if im dating him, if he shows any interest in me i feel the need to boast about it. like if i dont show off the way all those other couples do, i wont be satisfied in the relationship. and it screws it up every time! i feel like i watch all these other people do it, and now its my turn. but no! with vince, i had to start rushing everything and called him my boyfriend before we'd said hardly anything to each other! maybe if i hadnt pressured him so much we would have gotten to know each other and actually had more fun! with scott, it was just more than i expected, and he misread my boasting. with adam... we never would have gotten together in the first place if i hadnt felt the need to boast about it! he was all i concentrated on for 6 months straight. but what our love was is exactly what i want, what i need. i want to be with someone because i need to be with them. because ill feel incomplete without them. because we both feel the same about each other. at least adam and i had that. of course, the fact that i filled the place god was supposed to be in my life with him wasnt right. discovering this makes my relationship issues make so much more sense. and its super stupid, but hopefully ill learn from it after ive seen what trouble its caused in the past. ive just carried so much around with me these past years... its time to get out of high school mode. its time to grow up. im not a little kid, i cant wait for daddy to come save me and tell me everythings ok. i cant rely on that. all i should be relying on is the love of christ, because that is more than enough. he did it all for me, and he offers his friendship and love... which is so much better than any parent, any friend... of course, he put people in the world to love one another and keep each other going. i love that he did that. but they're only human. they're just as imperfect as i am. i have to trust that the perfect one is the only one i can truly rely on. there is nothing i could possibly do to deserve what's given. and i think im preaching a little bit, but for once, i dont care! i could talk forever about the grace of god, and people have already filled volumes trying to explain it or disprove it. pages and pages of man's writings and still nobody's come up for a logical explanation for god. which is why so many choose not to believe. there's no rhyme or reason to it and they just cant handle that! ive battled with this myself of course, and finally realized that any rationalizations i come up with are still just conceived by me. and i certainly cant measure or measure up to god. *sigh* the fruitless efforts of humanity. and ive lost track of my point, i dont think it really matters anymore. theres so much to talk about; i continue to pray for him to send me someone who i wont screw up. i believe it will happen. just dont know when. and so thats it? the end of a rant and im burnt out? i dont think so. theres no drama here. this is me, people. genuine inner turmoil displayed for all to see. all who wish, of course. i continue to talk and write forever, however long that is for me. but i dont think i can ever force anything on anyone. that, i can say for myself. no matter how much i love god, theres no way i can make anyone else love him. but no more fear! the real reason i believe most everything i do is god! but i dont say that, nooo. i dont want to force it on anyone. i dont think i should ever need to.
5.27.2007
This sucks.
I have just now realized that no matter how much you love someone, how much of your time you've given him, how many hours you've wasted thinking about him, how many favors you've done for him, how many times you've saved his life, how long you've known him, how many tears you've cried for him, how many times you've forgiven him, how many pages in your journal you've devoted to him, how many hugs you've shared, how many hours of deep conversations you've had, how much you understand him or he understands you, there is always that possibility/probability that he will forget about you, act like you don't exist, turn his back on you, do things he knows are wrong, refuse to listen to you, make you feel insignificant, not value your opinion or forget how much he loves you. (the pronoun "she" is also relevant.)
don't forget about the people in your life who have loved you, you may just be tearing their heart to pieces.
and for those forgotten, there are others who love you. remember how it feels and try not to forget those who love you.
don't forget about the people in your life who have loved you, you may just be tearing their heart to pieces.
and for those forgotten, there are others who love you. remember how it feels and try not to forget those who love you.
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