12.03.2006
static
sometimes thinking hurts. or makes you feel like nothing. or feel nothing. if there's too much to think about and it all gets bunched together that you feel a little insane for trying to interperet it all... then its just like static. a bunch of fragments whizzing around, going nowhere, telling you nothing, only that they exist. i miss organized thinking. i dont like not knowing the answers. i dont like being in the dark. except... everything is dark. i just dont pay attention to it. i can only see the material things, not what really matters. i dont know about all that. why should i feel trapped in a box if something in particular is hidden from me. i should be used to it by now.
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Darkness has a way of getting to everyone. Everyone's Darkness is different but then amounts to the same confusion or fearfulness that is conjured up in there own mind. It is how we deal with this darkness that makes us stronger or weaker.
I often have felt like nothing and that is during times that I feel people are better than me or make me feel belittled. I am now half and half, partially in the dark and light. I am proud in what abilities I have but feel like I am nothing to so many people, that I am nothing in this world.
Thoughts are just that thoughts, you can lead them, let them run rampant, or not think at all and emirs yourself into something that requires all your attention.
There are so many unanswered questions and unanswered thoughts it's hard to not let it all get to you, it's hard to let the feeling of insignificance get to you.
I am not saying that this is how you feel. Most of what I'm saying is in my experience.
I'm sorry that the answers are there and clear of you.
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