Summer crawls

my beautiful baby sister, isabelle.

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I usually enjoy summer, except for the intolerable heat, in which i am about to go mow the lawn in. but this summer is different. i seem to have an ever changing view of life, and though i am appreciating my family more than i ever have before (my biological family, and the extra family god's given me), i just feel like im stuck in between. yes ive graduated high school, but i havent started college yet. im not too fond of prolongued transition periods.

but alas, god is always trying to teach me something, even when im not feeling very suseptable to it. i am ready to ascend to semi-adult life and be without parents watching me. i think the reason this is, for me, is because though the ones who have raised me wont be doing it anymore, the One who created me will walk with me, and at times carry me, until i live no more on this world. i know He'll be there, and thats all the comforting i really need.

vicki and roger joke around with me (with sincere concern in their voices) about the city people converting me to a lesbian or an athiest, stacy worries in extreme about my driving, and my parents worry about my money management. the only aspect the next level im slightly worried about is the classes and homework, because i know that being vigilant in my studies, though i have the capacity to understand them, has never been much of a strength for me. people think i did so well in school, but within myself, i know im capable of much more. i could be a becky or a gillian, but i instead found other things i unconciously deemed more important. like friends and artwork for example ;).

i am praying with all my might for god to soothe my heart, and make me "lie down in greener pastures", my life here at home. i know i have to enjoy this while it lasts since it is ever fleeting, even when my independent adolescent desires are screaming to be set free.

*and she beats back the angry, rebellious teenager inside herself, and begins to win...*